Monday, February 7, 2011

“Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music.”

Then promptly switch out the conductor. Oh, and get rid of half the string section. Ehhhh, just cut out anything that sounds like it was written by fairies. Crank up the horns and timpani. Make it sound like music from World War II movies. I mean, it's my damn 100th birthday, and I want everything to be perfect. You know what? Just play The Imperial March. Get the strings back out. Perfect.

Monday, January 24, 2011

"These Gentlemen are the Moral Equivalents of America's Founding Fathers"

Remember when Reagan brought a group of militant Afghan rebels into the White House? Of course you do! I mean, he compared them to the likes of William Whipple, William Floyd, William Paca, William Hooper,William Ellery, and, of course, William Williams. You'd literally have to be a moron not to remember this, or at least, not remember learning about it (like I did when we discussed it in great detail in my AP American History class in high school). Anyway, Ronny was balls deep in a fake war with the USSR. Even though he had space lasers that protected us, he felt it was necessary to run up his ridiculous deficit even more (~$180 Billion in 1985) by arming a bunch of extremists to the teeth. So he invited the Taliban over for some cinnamon rolls and decaf coffee, and sent them packing with a bunch of weapons.

"We, uh, we called that the stinger. They...they don't let you use that no more."
Rondo gave them a bunch of hand-held surface to air missile launchers called Stingers. The CIA was like "You stupid old man. Those things are way to dangerous to give to a bunch of rebels... wait... a THOUSAND?! You gave them a THOUSAND?!" After the US's ill-attempts to get them back, they're still used by Taliban rebels today. Oh, and they're also found all across the middle east. They've got Reagan's fudgy fingerprints all over them. Nobody can accurately pinpoint the number of American casualties caused by these SAM's, but I can calculate that it is somewhere between a butt-load and a crap-ton.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"Facts are stubborn things"

Reagan was right. Facts are stubborn things. I bet one thing that old B-list actor didn't see coming was this shitty blog, and all the facts I'm going to nail to his name. Cold, hard, one sided facts. Some of you may be thinking, "Just how many facts have you compiled, and are they the factual type of facts?" I have a whole internets worth of facts, and yes, they are actual factual facts. Old Lady Reagan's baked in mac n' cheese doesn't hold a candle to the bodacity of stubbornness these facts have.

Fact #1 Ronald Reagan, as governor of California, released tens of thousands of mentally ill patients into the streets. The only other time something like that happened was when Reagan did it again as president.  Let's check the facts. According to, "...during his governorship, Reagan dismantled the public psychiatric hospital system, advocating instead a community-based housing and treatment system to supplant it." Some people may argue that this doesn't prove a thing and it's hardly stubborn. If you want proof, just go to San Fransisco. I've never seen so many homeless people living in such a bustling city. And they aren't the begging booze-hound homeless, they are the mentally ill homeless. They live in that community system that Reagan envisioned. The one where the mentally ill live in the streets and eat at homeless shelters instead living inside where doctors can properly monitor and administer.  There are signs in San Fran that remind us that people are not allowed to poop in the streets (ok, so I gotta give Reagan props for giving me a chuckle when I saw those signs).

I have developed a theory, just now as I've been writing, as to why Reagan did this. Well, he was horrible at handling money, but I have a different idea. Reagan probably thought that the psychiatric hospitals were full of doped out hippies all tripped up from the Berkley days, and to make sure they weren't getting free pharmies with tax dollars, he kicked them out on the street. Or maybe he felt bad for the 22,000 national guardsman he sicked on the hippies, so he sent them back to their natural habitat (the streets, of course). Nah. I think that idea is a little far out. He was probably just a huge dick.